Two sides

I wish I could sit

And talk to you

To look in your eyes

And smile with each view

Your brown eyes connect with mine

Looking deep into my soul

Making shivers down my spine

But this stuff isn't your goal

You make a thunderstorm in my mind

Letting lightening strike me down

Not showing care for humankind

All you want is for me to drown

To drown in your hurtful words

So I'll walk away mad as hell

You make me suffer, just like bastards

But I stand strong and say farewell..

Life

Life today is something that's gone lost. Something as precious as a baby can be ripped of its life in an instance. People today don't take life seriously. To some it's like some big joke. The people that kill and abuse children or adults. The ones responsible for acts like this have no sense of humanity or the life they are wasting. Everyday innocent children die because of peoples inability to see life's treasure. I look at children of one year or two and wonder, how could any human being have the guts to hurt something so innocent and carefree. Children do nothing but bring joy and laughter to peoples' lives. Sure some kids are hard to raise and deal with, and yes it's hard to provide for them sometimes. but does that mean you have to end their life forever? Don't they get a chance at life too, just as you did??

This morning I was reading the newspaper and I came to an article about the murder of a 10 year old boy. This brought utter disgust to me. I had questions and confusion. How? How does this happen? Something so innocent gone from this world without an warning or explanation. The sad thing was the mother of the child was the murderer. She murdered her own child, her own flesh and blood. How could a mother do something so violent to her son? The world just makes no sense. Child abuse and murdering children MUST STOP!!!

Catching Up

Wow...I really have a hard time keeping up with this. I never remember to sign in and write. Well let's see...what's been going on in my life. I'm about to start my last year of college! wow scary. I will be an official college graduate in the summer of 2011!!! Then I will be out to the real world. Soon after graduation I will be moving in with my boyfriend Matthew. This semester I have been constantly at work getting my classes done and making sure everything is set for graduation. I will be doing my senior summary in the fall 2010! Insane stuff. It feels just like yesterday I was still in high school, but now I'm an adult and about to graduate college. I miss some of the friendships I had back in high school. I have lost connection with several people that I use to be really good friends with...and that saddens me.

This is the second week back after spring break and it's a tough one. My professors decided they wanted to pile all things in one week! I have 3 tests in one day! Not cool! But on the up side Spring Break was awesome!!!!!! Me and Matthew babysat my goddaughter, Breanna, for the whole weekend. She's only 1 1/2 years so it was a big deal. It was her first time sleeping away from her mommy and daddy and she did wonderfully. We took her to the park and she played with a bunch of other little kids and had a ball. After we took her back we enjoyed an evening together with my grandparents then headed back to Greenville. The next day we picked up and drove to Raleigh and went to the Natural Sciences museum and the History museum. It was awesome to spend the day out with Matthew just doing whatever we wanted. The rest of the week we just enjoyed being together (it was mostly raining the last few days of Spring Break week). But overall it was fun, so I can't complain!

Today

Today has been a weird day. I've had a lot on my mind. Last night nothing seemed right, nothing made sense, I was lost and confused. I stayed in that state of confusion until about midnight. After talking with Matthew, I didn't seem as lost. So today, I've been running everything that happened last night through my head over and over. Just trying to make sense of everything that went on. I know it turned out okay, and seemingly for the better, but I just can't wrap my head around how things started out, and went on for a few hours.

Something else I've been thinking about is how I've became "distant" from some friends I had in high school. I still wish I had the same strong friendships I had in high school. I use to be almost sisters with certain people until I moved off to college...I really miss being best friends and almost sisters with Brittany D., she was like the sister I never had. we moved on to separate parts of our lives but we forgot to take each other with us. Since we are both in college now and in different places, it's like we've forgotten. I have never forgotten those friends that I had that were really good. They always hold a place in my heart and I want to start these friendships up again.

Being at college hasn't been the worst though. I have met the love of my life. We've been dating almost 2 years now. I have also met some new friends and this year I have an awesome roommate. She's much better than the one last year. But even though I make new friends I can never replace the close ones I had before and still kind of have. (Brittany, Jennifer, Amber)

The Path

Upon the stars I look
So hopeful for the things ahead
Laying warm and comfy in my bed
Thinking back to the path I took

That path I took I now know was wrong
Back then it was so much fun
Now I'm laying here with my son
Without the father or support...this is gonna be long

He's just so irresponsible and immature
This baby here is not just mine
Maybe I need to give him more time
Maybe it's to much for him to endure

I'm not trying to be mean
I just can't do this on my own
I'm tired of being alone
For heavens sake I'm only sixteen

Waking God Up

Throughout our lives we go through many storms. Some are big, some are small; but a storm is a storm. These storms may come to teach us a lesson, to bring someone closer to God, etc. But when a storm approaches people sometimes panic, they don't know what to do, or where to turn. There's a simple solution: turn to God.

When storms come up in people's lives the first thing some people do is shy away from God. That's the last thing you want to do. When you come to a storm in your life (whether it's violent or calm) you need to wake God up. Let Him know that you are having some difficulty in your life. Don't be afraid to give God a little nudge and wake him up so he knows you need His help. God always wants to help and he will never turn His back to you when you ask for help.

This makes me reflect on the many storms that have passed through my life. I made it through some really rough ones and yeah I prayed to God sometimes for guidance through these storms, but I never really went in and woke Him up. Before this year I would never have had the courage to wake God up when I needed Him, but after all the growth I've had I think I would wake Him up. Sometimes you need to get God's attention and be like hey over here! God can be asleep a lot, so he just needs a little nudge to let him know you want his attention.

So how will you wake God up: a gentle, soft nudge or pull the pillow from under his head?

The Discovery

I look out for a hand to hold
to comfort my weakened heart;
to have a heart of gold
and to show me how to make a fresh start.

I spent all my time
searching for someone to hold;
when all along its you I needed as my prime
you're the only one that can make my mold

I found nothing to compare to what you do
my life and heart is at peace
with all my trust stored in you
now I know my happiness shall not cease

The pains and struggles I endure
make me fall to my knees and cry;
but I know that by your touch it can all be cured
so I talk to you and look to the sky.