Thoughts Of The Mind

Two sides

2011-04-26T16:26:00.000-04:00

I wish I could sit

And talk to you

To look in your eyes

And smile with each view

Your brown eyes connect with mine

Looking deep into my soul

Making shivers down my spine

But this stuff isn't your goal

You make a thunderstorm in my mind

Letting lightening strike me down

Not showing care for humankind

All you want is for me to drown

To drown in your hurtful words

So I'll walk away mad as hell

You make me suffer, just like bastards

But I stand strong and say farewell..

Life

2010-03-25T16:22:00.002-04:00

Life today is something that's gone lost. Something as precious as a baby can be ripped of its life in an instance. People today don't take life seriously. To some it's like some big joke. The people that kill and abuse children or adults. The ones responsible for acts like this have no sense of humanity or the life they are wasting. Everyday innocent children die because of peoples inability to see life's treasure. I look at children of one year or two and wonder, how could any human being have the guts to hurt something so innocent and carefree. Children do nothing but bring joy and laughter to peoples' lives. Sure some kids are hard to raise and deal with, and yes it's hard to provide for them sometimes. but does that mean you have to end their life forever? Don't they get a chance at life too, just as you did??

This morning I was reading the newspaper and I came to an article about the murder of a 10 year old boy. This brought utter disgust to me. I had questions and confusion. How? How does this happen? Something so innocent gone from this world without an warning or explanation. The sad thing was the mother of the child was the murderer. She murdered her own child, her own flesh and blood. How could a mother do something so violent to her son? The world just makes no sense. Child abuse and murdering children MUST STOP!!!

Catching Up

2010-03-23T00:19:00.003-04:00

Wow...I really have a hard time keeping up with this. I never remember to sign in and write. Well let's see...what's been going on in my life. I'm about to start my last year of college! wow scary. I will be an official college graduate in the summer of 2011!!! Then I will be out to the real world. Soon after graduation I will be moving in with my boyfriend Matthew. This semester I have been constantly at work getting my classes done and making sure everything is set for graduation. I will be doing my senior summary in the fall 2010! Insane stuff. It feels just like yesterday I was still in high school, but now I'm an adult and about to graduate college. I miss some of the friendships I had back in high school. I have lost connection with several people that I use to be really good friends with...and that saddens me.

This is the second week back after spring break and it's a tough one. My professors decided they wanted to pile all things in one week! I have 3 tests in one day! Not cool! But on the up side Spring Break was awesome!!!!!! Me and Matthew babysat my goddaughter, Breanna, for the whole weekend. She's only 1 1/2 years so it was a big deal. It was her first time sleeping away from her mommy and daddy and she did wonderfully. We took her to the park and she played with a bunch of other little kids and had a ball. After we took her back we enjoyed an evening together with my grandparents then headed back to Greenville. The next day we picked up and drove to Raleigh and went to the Natural Sciences museum and the History museum. It was awesome to spend the day out with Matthew just doing whatever we wanted. The rest of the week we just enjoyed being together (it was mostly raining the last few days of Spring Break week). But overall it was fun, so I can't complain!

Today

2009-11-17T17:16:00.002-05:00

Today has been a weird day. I've had a lot on my mind. Last night nothing seemed right, nothing made sense, I was lost and confused. I stayed in that state of confusion until about midnight. After talking with Matthew, I didn't seem as lost. So today, I've been running everything that happened last night through my head over and over. Just trying to make sense of everything that went on. I know it turned out okay, and seemingly for the better, but I just can't wrap my head around how things started out, and went on for a few hours.

Something else I've been thinking about is how I've became "distant" from some friends I had in high school. I still wish I had the same strong friendships I had in high school. I use to be almost sisters with certain people until I moved off to college...I really miss being best friends and almost sisters with Brittany D., she was like the sister I never had. we moved on to separate parts of our lives but we forgot to take each other with us. Since we are both in college now and in different places, it's like we've forgotten. I have never forgotten those friends that I had that were really good. They always hold a place in my heart and I want to start these friendships up again.

Being at college hasn't been the worst though. I have met the love of my life. We've been dating almost 2 years now. I have also met some new friends and this year I have an awesome roommate. She's much better than the one last year. But even though I make new friends I can never replace the close ones I had before and still kind of have. (Brittany, Jennifer, Amber)

The Path

2009-08-29T21:50:00.003-04:00

Upon the stars I look
So hopeful for the things ahead
Laying warm and comfy in my bed
Thinking back to the path I took

That path I took I now know was wrong
Back then it was so much fun
Now I'm laying here with my son
Without the father or support...this is gonna be long

He's just so irresponsible and immature
This baby here is not just mine
Maybe I need to give him more time
Maybe it's to much for him to endure

I'm not trying to be mean
I just can't do this on my own
I'm tired of being alone
For heavens sake I'm only sixteen

Waking God Up

2009-06-22T09:57:00.001-04:00

Throughout our lives we go through many storms. Some are big, some are small; but a storm is a storm. These storms may come to teach us a lesson, to bring someone closer to God, etc. But when a storm approaches people sometimes panic, they don't know what to do, or where to turn. There's a simple solution: turn to God.

When storms come up in people's lives the first thing some people do is shy away from God. That's the last thing you want to do. When you come to a storm in your life (whether it's violent or calm) you need to wake God up. Let Him know that you are having some difficulty in your life. Don't be afraid to give God a little nudge and wake him up so he knows you need His help. God always wants to help and he will never turn His back to you when you ask for help.

This makes me reflect on the many storms that have passed through my life. I made it through some really rough ones and yeah I prayed to God sometimes for guidance through these storms, but I never really went in and woke Him up. Before this year I would never have had the courage to wake God up when I needed Him, but after all the growth I've had I think I would wake Him up. Sometimes you need to get God's attention and be like hey over here! God can be asleep a lot, so he just needs a little nudge to let him know you want his attention.

So how will you wake God up: a gentle, soft nudge or pull the pillow from under his head?

The Discovery

2009-06-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

I look out for a hand to hold
to comfort my weakened heart;
to have a heart of gold
and to show me how to make a fresh start.

I spent all my time
searching for someone to hold;
when all along its you I needed as my prime
you're the only one that can make my mold

I found nothing to compare to what you do
my life and heart is at peace
with all my trust stored in you
now I know my happiness shall not cease

The pains and struggles I endure
make me fall to my knees and cry;
but I know that by your touch it can all be cured
so I talk to you and look to the sky.

Oh Love is Wonderful

2009-06-12T18:39:00.000-04:00

When I look you in the eyes,
I travel to the depths of your soul
and you say a million things without trace of a sound,
I know that my own life is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings of your very heart.
I love you for a million reasons,
no paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.
It is a feeling only felt.

He Waited For Her

2009-06-12T18:30:00.001-04:00

all evening he waited
anxiously eyeing the clock
retracing his steps
over and over
counting the minutes
until her arrival

kneeling before a crackling fire
adding another log
he rose to check again
his preparations for tonight

the thick sheepskin rug
lay lovingly spread before the flames
waiting for her

the book
the one she longed after
in that tiny shop downtown
rested on the warm stone hearth
waiting for her

the wine
that special bottle
from a few years ago
late fall harvest
sat open
and sweet
waiting for her

the glasses
his best crystal
sat sparkling in the firelight
waiting for her

his hand
stopped a moment
over his heart
and lovingly fingered
the prize there
hidden away in his pocket
where it lay
waiting for her

taking the ring
from its secret place
he gazed at it
mesmerized by its shine
by what it stood for
soon he smiled and
softly slipped it back
to its repose
where it lay
waiting for her

seating himself back on the chair
he resumed his vigil
over the fire
over the wine
over the clock
over himself

and he sat
quiet and lost in thought
waiting for her

Love

2009-06-12T18:29:00.001-04:00

You sit there and stare at me
With those beautiful brown eyes.
I meet your gaze,
And instantly get lost.
You make me forget everything around me.
There's just something about you.
I want to stay in your arms forever.
You make me feel safe and happy.
When I'm with you,
I can't get a smile off my face.

What You Do To Me

2009-06-12T18:27:00.000-04:00

Everytime I think of you I smile.
It doesn't go away for a while.
Everytime I see you I get butterflies;
My heart melts completely.
I can't resist your beautiful blue eyes,
Your gorgeous face, your soft hair,
And most of all you charming but funny personality.
You seem to complete me.
When I'm with you everything is okay.
And everyone disappears.
Man I really love you!
I just want to scream it to the world.
See what you do to me.

You

2009-06-12T18:23:00.002-04:00

I was ready to just give up.
I'm tired of all these guys.
They seem to all be the same.
They usually just lie to get what they want.
But then I met you.
Your different from other guys.
You don't pressure me and you actually care.
Your not all about sex;
You just want to be with me.
The minute I met you there was this connection;
And I just knew me and you were meant to be.
Baby be with me forever.

My Love

2009-06-12T18:23:00.001-04:00

My love you are my life
You have truely shown me love
Your words are so sweet

Being with you I know I have no strife;
You are like a precious dove
That makes my world complete

Baby there's something about you
That just sets my soul on fire,
And I completely lose my breath

I never stop being amazed at what you do
You are everything I desire;
I wanna love you even beyond death.

Baby, I love you so much.

You Are All

2009-06-12T17:54:00.000-04:00

When you look at me
And give me that come-here-baby smile
I know it's all gonna be alright;
When you take my hand,
pull me close and hold me tight
It's like I'm in paradise.

The sweet love that you give me
makes me believe we can make it through anything;
when I'm feeling like I'll never last
I just lean on you cause
you're my better half,
and you let me know everything is gonna be okay.

You don't know how much I count on you to help me,
you're always there for me to lean on
and hold me like nothing is ever wrong;
when I've given everything I got
and I just feel like giving in
you sweep me up and make me strong.

You are the sole one I adore,
the one I turn to,
to pull me back up when I've fallen;
I think of you as my guardian angel,
one that God sent to me to watch over me
and keep me on my track and to keep me strong

Goodbye

2009-06-12T17:22:00.000-04:00

I lay here awake in my bed,
thinking about what you just said.
I toss and turn and just keep crying,
and I still feel like you're lying.

You always say you love me,
but I just don't see.
I get up & walk into the dark to find my place,
I'm like a lone child wanting to see your face.

I can't see you taking much more
which makes my heart od so sore.
All I do is try to make you happy,
but looking back I've just made your life crappy.

I guess you wanna say goodbye
so now I'm going to die.
Don't let me get in your way,
Goodbye is the last thing I'll say...

Goodbye.....*gun shot in the distance*

True Love is Here

2009-06-12T16:57:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna be here for you baby
and I'll keep my word,
I'll speak to you with a special language you've never heard;
I want to be with you forever,
I want to die in your arms,
a sweet place where I'm never harmed.

I hope to steal your attention like no one before
and I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you,
I'll hold onto you tight too;
I wanna stand out in a crowd,
a woman among women,
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been.

I'm gonna make you this promise
in this life after this,
I'm gonna be there to greet you each morning with a warm, wet kiss;
to make memories of us,
we'll follow the rainbow,
wherever the winds blow.

I've never been a person to ever let my feelings show
but I've never loved like this,
never felt such a gentle kiss;
we've got a special kind of love,
we've laid our hearts and souls in each others hands,
we are going places and we have big plans.

Suffering and Grace

2009-06-12T16:51:00.000-04:00

Suffering and Grace

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
When you go through hard times in your life view them as God's grace.
1 Peter 2:19-21 says "For whenever anyone bears the pain of unjust suffering because of consciousness of God, that is a grace. But what credit is there if you are patient when beaten for doing wrong? But if you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good, this is a grace before God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps."
From these verses in 1 Peter you see that when you suffer through hard times it is really an act of grace from God. Not something God is putting you through to be mean. This you should be grateful for. People can't always realize the amount of grace they have in their lives. You may think you don't have any, but take a minute or two to think back to any pain, challenging times, or suffering you went through in your past. Surely you have some. Those are God's grace in your life. Everyone has God's grace, but not everyone can see it.
I never use to view my sufferings as a grace from God, but now I see past that "wall" that has been in my life. All my life I saw my sufferings as something that held me back from the world and from having true spirituality. There was always this "wall" between me and God and I could never see beyond it. The pain and misery I went through all my life, along with how and where I grew up was the maker of this mighty wall in my life. After reading those verses in 1 Peter my life changed. It was the first time that I saw all the grace I had in my life all along. Now that I have recognized these hard times as God's grace, I am able to see past this wall. Therefore, I have a chance to have a closer more intimate relationship with the wonderful Savior that is beyond the wall. This helps me to move forward in my life and it will help you too. These types of "walls" are present in quite a few people's lives. Not everyone knows how to see beyond it and need a little help. So I'm here to help anyone see the wonderful things on the other side of this wall that is present in your life.
In 1 Peter 2:20, Peter asks about being patient when you are beaten for doing wrong. The second half of that verse states that by being patient when you suffer for doing good things than this is a grace before God. You should live to do good things and even though people may criticize you, you must know that your actions are a grace before God. These suffering and hard times is the presence of God's grace. Isn't that wonderful? When you finally view your pain and suffering as God's grace and you sincerely believe in your heart that it is His grace, then so many wonderful things will open up in your life.

After having help to realize my pain was the grace of God my life changed dramatically. I see things differently now. I see almost everything as a gift or grace from God. Sure I still struggle and I don't always see things this way at first, but I just take a minute or two and think about God and what He does for me then it's clear that it is truly a gift or grace from God. Your pain and suffering aka the wall make you a stronger person. Some people may think not but when you see your pain as God's grace don't you become a stronger Christian? Which makes you a stronger person? And aren't you stronger as a person because now it's not pain in your life its grace? 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 supports my statement of being stronger. Those verses say "but he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am content with my weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong." When you sin and are weak and suffering then you are actually strong. Be confident in your weaknesses and sufferings cause God has given them to you for a reason. Whether it be to teach you something or make you realize something in your life, it has a purpose. Once you learn of the grace in your life grow in it, live in it, experience it, and never let God's grace go. This grace helps give you eternal life. Go out and tell others of your realization of the wonderful Father's grace in hopes that they discover it themselves also.

Now back to this "wall," if you never see beyond it then you will never fully experience God's grace, love, mercy, and many other wonderful things He brings to your life. When you come to the realization that there is a wall between you and God then at that moment you need to turn to God. Let Him know of your discovery and if you believe and really have your heart set on what's beyond the wall, then ask Him to guide you. He loves for His children to talk to Him so go ahead, make your relationship with Christ stronger. You have nothing to lose, only a million things to gain! Once you pass over that wall you will be grateful to God that He helped you get beyond it. Nothing is possible without God! Absolutely nothing! God is in total control!
Just always remember Jesus suffered and died on the cross for you and He always saw His Father's grace and never doubted Him one bit. You shouldn't either. Accept you sufferings and pains as His grace. You will see the magic.
Amen.